April 2, 2017–I had to go away on a little vacation to pay homage to the Don who was leaving the Family Business. I figured I could also use this to test out the courier method of transporting and distributing some product to the D.C. Metro area.
When I walked into the Miami airport I quickly remembered that there is now an increased TSA presence; making me a little nervous.
I knew I had packed and wrapped the product well, even including some espresso powder because we all know that the “scent throws off the dogs”, but all it would take is a nosy agent put a kink in the plan.
I presented the first agent my mobile boarding pass and entered the TSA precheck lane. As usual there were some people who had obviously never flown before which was causing confusion in the line. I figured this would be to my benefit since the agents would probably just push everyone through; which they did. I put my backpack on the conveyor belt then walk through the body scanner. Alarms immediately went off. ‘Sir, you have been randomly selected for additional screening.’ The TSA Agent wipes my hands then places the wipes in some machine. I’m meticulously clean whenever I’m preparing my products but didn’t know if some microscopic residue was transferred from the packaging to my hands when I placed the items in my backpack. Tense seconds, what felt like minutes passed. ‘You’re clear, Sir.’ As I walked to the end of the x-ray machine to grab my backpack I noticed that it was not there. I looked up only to see the TSA Agent intensely staring at the monitor; then he called for a supervisor. I couldn’t run because I was on the wrong side of the security barricade. As I was looking around for an escape I heard, ‘Sir, is this your bag?’ Trying to lighten the mood I smiled and said, “Lucky guess.” ‘Can you please follow me, Sir.’ Walking back to one of their screening rooms I saw no escape.
‘Sir, I’m going to unpack your bag. Please do not touch it or anything I pull out.’ First came a few magazines then the avocado that I brought for lunch. As she continued to pull items from the bag she pulled out two small Pyrex bowls. ‘What’s this?’ ‘One is Cuban Pot Roast and the other is Sun-dried tomato and feta cheese meatballs.’ She put those aside and continued to look through the numerous pouches of the backpack. She didn’t find whatever she was looking for so she repacked the backpack. ‘Wait here, Sir.’ She called the x-ray guy over to the room and told him that she didn’t see anything. He told her that it looked like it was in the back of the bag. That’s when she opened up the hidden laptop compartment on my backpack. ‘CRAP!!!’
The x-ray agent walked out and closed the door behind him. ‘Sir, you can’t transport this on an airplane. The items in these bags have been known to cause extreme bliss, fights, and painful withdrawal symptoms. And they even try to convince me of the so-called health benefits. I’m going to have to confiscated them.’
Me: Confiscated them, “There are people out there with…” bottles of water! So how do you think we should resolve this situation? “Wait. l’ve got an idea. Is there something in this office that I could hand to you and that would make you kind of forget that you’re holding” those ziplock bags.
TSA: “What are you saying?”
Me: “You’d have something in that hand and this hand you’d forget about. That hand you’d go, ”What did l have there? I don’t remember.””
TSA: “You mean if I had…” some Sun-dried tomato and feta cheese meatballs and one of these bags “in this hand?”
Me: “Ouch! Let go of my arm” meatballs AND a few bags “please, I’m robbing you. That’s what I’m doing.” Here’s the meatballs and here’s the ziplock bags.
TSA: “Thank you…also, one other thing. I’m sure you understand” but I don’t want the x-ray guy to know what transpired in here.
Me: “Don’t I know it” I’ll just pack my bag and be on my way. Thank you.
TSA: “No problem! No problem at all.”
Once I safely arrived in D.C. I passed the remaining product to my Pentagon and Kingstowne Distributors. If you live in one of these areas and did not receive notification of a pending delivery it is because I had to pay off the TSA Agent and I’m sure the distributors took a cut.
I know you’re asking yourself, ‘Was it drugs?’
“Umm, well, of course not.”
Taking a quick glimpse at the bag it is easy to see how the agents thought they contained something illegal. I guess on some level it is illegal that something can be so good.
A few of the bags contained Ginger Molasses Cookies made using Dominique Ansel’s (yes, of the Cronut fame) recipe. Instead of the ’snap’ of a traditional ginger snap these are soft and moist. If you held it up on one end it would drop down because it is so soft. We all know the numerous HEALTH benefits of fresh ginger (which these cookies contain).
Among other things the cookie batter contains brown sugar, dutch-processed cocoa, and espresso powder. To that I added white, dark, & semi-sweet chocolate chips and bitter-sweet chocolate chunks. “But wait, there’s more!” I then melted semi-sweet chocolate chips with heavy cream. I dipped half of each cookie in the melted chocolate and just before the chocolate set I sprinkled each one with Maldon’s flaky sea salt. After eating these, if you are not in a state of BLISS, willing to FIGHT anyone who tries to take one from you, and/or suffer from WITHDRAWL you are not a chocolate lover.
Sun-dried tomato and feta cheese meatballs
I thought about trying to explain who did and did not get cookies but I’ve realized that friends “are the same no matter time nor place. Take it from me…friends…just don’t understand.”
DISCLAIMER: The majority of the above story are true and for those of you that missed it, I obviously took lines from ‘Parent’s Don’t Understand’ by Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff, quotes from Beverly Hills Cop 1 and 2, and almost every Infomercial that is trying to sell you something.
